There are no rules, only traditions.
Deny everything, admit nothing.
And there are no leaders, only suckers.
- Grandmaster(s) – Blows Through Bush, $5.00 Foot Dong
- Grandmaster Emeritus – Feel Up Screams, I-Feel Tower
- Religious Advisor(s) – Cocktioneer, Drugs & Risque Ejaculations, Dogtor Bloody Ballz, Knope, $5.00 Foot Dong, Fast Food
- Religious Advisor Trainee(s): Pink-O Face, Louisville Plugger
- Beermeister(s) – Cowabonghole, Pink-O Face
- Choir Leader / Songmeister: Sanitary Sanchez
- Haberdasher – Louisville Plugger
- Hash Cash – Louisville Plugger
- Hareraiser – Louisville Plugger
- Webmaster – Louisville Plugger
GRAND MASTER: The head hasher. The chairman of the board. The big cheese. The HMFIC. The guiding light. Gispert’s legacy. The GM is not simply a figure head for the hash, rather (s)he personifies the hash’s character (or lack thereof.) (S)he leads with a dynamic strength that permeates the fabric of the organization. Both directly, and through the hash officers, (s)he gives inspiration, direction, and vision to all. This position ranks only below Beermeister, Hash Cash, RA, Haberdasher, and Hash Flash in real importance to the hash.
RELIGIOUS ADVISOR: Keeper of the faith. Enforcer of the scriptures. This is the hasher who has seen the light (Bud light) and can taste in his soul the true spirit of Hashing. The religious advisor spreads the word and inspires the zest and zeal of the hash in all participants. Any hasher found transgressing the spirit of hashing is disciplined by the RA. (S)He is the keeper of the sacred Laws of Hashing and comes up with sufficiently plausible lies to cover any serious questions of propriety of actions within the hash.
BEERMEISTER: This is unquestionably the most important position in the hash. The Beermeister has the weighty responsibility of making sure that the lifeblood of hashing is available at each and every hash event. He keeps constant vigilance to find the cheapest spirituous fermenti available, always has coolers in the trunk of his car, cases of beer in his garage, and reliably returns the empty keg to get another full one for the next hash. While this might be a “pain in the ass” job, it’s undoubtedly the most important one to the hash.
HASH CASH: The holder of the purse-strings. Someone needs to dash about the start of each hash begging for money. Someone has to keep track of what comes in and what goes out (commonly referred to as “the old in and out.”) These generally unappreciated duties fall on the shoulders of the Hash Cash. This trustworthy soul must withstand the whining of the Hares who have overspent, the whimpering of those who forgot their fees, and the interrogations of those who mistakenly think there should be some sort of accounting for hash funds.
HABERDASHER: This is a person who has a flair for fashion, a head for business (who said head?), and the showmanship of P.T. Barnum. (S)He’s responsible for the design, procurement, warehousing, merchandising, and vending of items of apparel and various trinkets to the hash. Prior flea market or circus midway experience preferred.
HASHIT KEEPER: This is arguably the most complicated position within the hash hierarchy. The responsibility surrounds custody of a large cardboard box (or entire house) filled with the flotsam and jetsam of past hashes. Precisely why this crap is retained is a mystery shrouded in the mythology of hashdom. However, the hashit itself rarely makes it to the hash, although the custodian is usually there himself. This reinforces the argument that remembering to bring the hashit is probably beyond the cognitive ability of your average hasher.
HARE RAISER: The Hare Raiser makes sure that there’s a hare (or hares) for each hash, and that the start location is known to the On-Sec well in advance of hash day for publicity purposes.
CHOIR LEADER / SONGMEISTER: This is a hasher with no self-respect. (S)he never lacks for a song suitable to the occasion. Their songs are risqué, lewd, and vulgar. The Songmeister speaks with other hashers and hashes to acquire songs to add to the hash hymnal. The mission is to explore new tunes and new celebrations. To boldly go where no Songmeister has gone before!