Dearly intoxicated, we are gathered here in the presence of the Pack to join this harrier and this harriette in holy mattress monkey.
Attesting to their dreary and lonely lives, they have now resolved to end each future hash by going home and getting lucky every time without need for self-gratification or technology.
We come to celebrate the end of their wanking ways and to cheer in the joy of sex outside of masturbation.
I will now read the opening prayer, please bow your craniums.
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk,
I will be drunk,
At home as in the tavern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not into incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.
For thine is the Beer, The Bitter, and the Lager,
(To Assist RA): Bring forth the handcuffs!
These handcuffs are a symbol of _______ and _______ sentence to life.
A life of never ending trails,
of whining hashers,
of twisted ankles,
of explaining what hashing is,
of separating hash socks from white socks
and most importantly of all: beers and down-downs.
_________, do you take this harriette for better or for worse, on the rag and in health, on bad hair days and good, to have and to hash with, until the beer runs out?
(Hasher answers) “I do”
__________, please cuff _______ (Harriette attach cuff to Harrier’s left hand)
__________, do you take this hasher for better or for worse, in vomit and in shiggy, with his farts and his bad breath, to have and to hash with until he can’t get it up anymore?
(Harriette answers) “I do”
__________, please cuff __________ (Harrier attach cuff to Harriette’s right hand)
Please raise your beers and repeat after me.
With this beer, I thee wed.
(Both) “With this beer, I thee wed.”
and with it I bestow all the secrets
(Both) “and with it I bestow all the secrets”
of my trails, checks, and YBFs.
(Both) “of my trails, checks, and YBFs.”
A note for the bonded!
Melody – Amazing Grace
Today we wed ______ to _______
We’ve heard them say “I do.”
Give it your best, for the next forty years,
But first drink down your beers.
Drink It Down Down…
I now pronounce you harrier and harriette, doomed to spend the rest of your lives running the hash together. May you go forth and multiply, bearing many new little horrors to fill our trails.
By the power invested to me by the State of Drunkenness, I now mispronounce you harrier and harriette.
You may now moon the pack.
(The pack showers them with beer)